I am so angry under the surface. Even as I chase positivity, even as I overcome, even as I never give up, even as I so sincerely at all times try to be a good person. There’s this beautiful glassy surface of who I want to be, how I want things to be, and how I want to make them. Still underneath that there’s an ugly yet subtle, continuous, low slow boil. I’ve done a lot of mental gymnastics to avoid acknowledging that this exists for many years.
I think I’m angry at people, things, and circumstances, in fact I know I am and why. What I’m most angry at really though is me for allowing this time and energy to be stolen from me by people, things, and circumstances that don’t deserve it. I defer, I swallow, I understand, I empathize, I worry…but what I’m doing is allowing it, and allowing keeps the temperature steady on that slow boil.
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