Choices

I once wrote:

“Still, in the end, I always seem to choose you and us. Even when I try and distance myself from us and think logically. Even when I have serious doubts about the logistics, equality, or fairness of this, I choose you.”

Yesterday it happened again. We’d been apart for so long, it’s been a long, unfair, lonely journey for us both. I’d steeled myself yesterday, as I always do, for the eventuality that at some point it may be the last time I see you, for whatever reason.

Then I did see you. I can’t explain what the feeling is in words. It’s instant, it’s consuming, it feels like the color white, it’s surrounded by a bright light, it makes my mind ease, and my muscles relax. All the doubts, for myself and for you, vanish. It happens every single time. I’m left calm, secure, and happy, always wishing I never had to leave this feeling. This time that pure happiness, that feeling, I can see in the pictures of us. I see in those pictures that not only do I choose you every time, and you choose me too.